iamchinny

2am and im still here preparing for Gen12ii mission trip and a youth meeting for tomorrow.Even though outwardly im really exhausted and tired, its really amazing how ever since after the healing prayer last week, there's this restedness in my heart that words cannot explained. Even though circumstances really may not change, at least im serving and leading out of a rested heart in God. =)

Today in cell we shared about what is something that we thank God for and what is one that we will complained to Him about. I shall attempt to share it here cus its really significant to me..=)

Thank God for:
-Missions camp last friday to saturday was a refreshing one for me=) Though i must say that it was a really tiring weekend for me as well. Having to prepare for the camp,having to go through ministry and having to pray and fast for the whole week was no joke. Nonetheless my heart was deeply reminded that the battle that we're fighting is really not against flesh and blood, but for us to be constantly alert and watchful to keep praying at all times.

-National Staff Summit that just passed! I love spending time playing and catching up with friends over the summit and i got to jog!=) It was a heartwarming sight to see staffs encouraging one another and loving each other in different ways=) I felt privileged to be serving God in this organization,wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world=)

-Ann Bowman Healing prayer team came all the way from US to bless our staff family. So i went to fix an appointment with them without really knowing what to be praying for.I went to meet candy and wendy at their hotel room and spend time sharing about my work, family and personal life. They prayed and i thought that i can leave after their prayer ended. But they started looking at me again and insisted that i sit down again because they felt that there were something deeper that needs to be prayed for.

So they began to asked more about my life and my heart was really heavy at that moment without knowing why.They were really discerning and realized that i had a worrisome spirit in me. Then they pointed out that in my family i felt that i had to carry all the load by myself and as a result i bring this expectation into work and ministry and felt that i had to carry everything by myself as well.I realized that it is true and that i always felt that its my responsibility to provide for my family and that its my fault that my brother is 'suffering' now as he stays with my aunty. Then they began to pray over me and the weight on my heart just lifted and lifted and finally what's left was a rested heart and a peace in my heart that i cannot explained. They told me that i don't have to be alone in carrying the burden, that i can leave everything at the cross. Hearing this truth once again liberates me. Though circumstances may not change now, my heart is much more rested and peaceful knowing that God cares and He understands. I never walk alone.



One thing that i complain to God about:

Got to spend time with my dear brother last monday , just hanging out and taking time to minister and to show him that i love him=) But while we were having dinner, my uncle whom he's staying with started sms-ing him and demanded to know why is he spending time with me and why is he still not home yet. You see, my aunty and uncle despised me because i chose to serve God full time as a Christian worker.To them i am a bad influence in the family and that i am irresponsible to be working in this job as my family had financial needs. And thus they didnt like the whole idea of my brother hanging out with me.

So my poor brother got really upset and stress that he couldn't spend unhurried time with me. That affected me alot too and i started asking God how long more do we have to endure such pain having to constantly be separated from each other in the family. And will there ever be a chance that my whole family will ever be whole again?

On the way home i told my brother that ill be praying that he wont get scoldings from my uncle and aunty and my brother refused to believe in the power of prayer. So i prayed that God will guard my brother's heart and mind against any negative words and thoughts and that my uncle and aunty will not verbally abused my brother again.

God answered my simple prayer with a simple desire and i received a sms from my brother when i got home
' uncle smiled at me when i go home eh! Seems as if he understood that we were going through'
Truly cannot thank God enough that He answered my prayers. This is a testimony to my brother that our God is one who is personal and one who understands and hears our cries at all times.=)

Thankful to be back safely from Pakistan. For all the things that God had laid and shown my heart,i am eternally grateful and will surely remember them for life.

Pakistan is a forgotten land. With all its heartaches,sorrow and desperation, God brought us all the way to show them that God still cares and loves them very much. Each day at the medical camps, i saw impoverished and malnutrition man,woman and children waiting to get as much medical aid as they can. As i serve them at the registration counter, their sad eyes hid many untold stories of their lives and deep down in their hearts they may have wondered where was God in the midst of all these sufferings. My heart ache so much for them but all i could do is to smile at them and pray deep in my heart that one day they will come to know and receive our Maker into their lives.

One night while spending time with the Lord, He brought me to the passage of the Samaritan woman at the well. The conversation came to a point where Jesus addresses the deepest hurt in her life. Deep in her heart her question was ' where was God? Where was God when it hurts? Where was God when her world collapsed?'
And Jesus told her that she is in fact looking for God in all the wrong places. She is not seeking God, in fact God is seeking after her! Finally Jesus answered her ' I who speak to you am He'

I can imagine her eyes widening and her eyes moist with tears. Here was her Messiah. Gently speaking to her,more compassionate than she had ever imagined. More caring than she had ever hoped for, more loving than she had ever dared dreamed of!

God reminded me that we are the reflection of Christ to this forgotten group of people in Pakistan. We are there to show that God loves and still pursues and understand all their hurts and pains. Though forgotten and abandoned by their own government and the world, they are never abandoned by God. He knows and will rescue them.

Even now as i am back here home, i still think of the people whom i had met. I still pray and trust that somehow they will meet with the Lord as they cry out to Him. Thankful for the email addresses that i had gotten from the police officials whom i had come into contact with . I am planning to email the gospel message to them,praying that they will come to know our Lord someday too.

Thankful for the covering and protection from kidnappers and terrorists as we travel on dangerous ground. Seeing how God provided policemen for us everyday to escort us out of the flood camps were amazing. They were with us everyday with shotguns just to make sure that we are safe from the dangerous local people. We are protected from the shootings going on in karachi,protected from the uprising malaria and dengue in the land and from the dangerous locals that roamed the land.

This safety was a huge testimony to my family that God takes care of His people who chose to serve Him=)

Thank You God.

I never knew that this would be so tough.

Two months ago, it all started with a simple prayer with me asking God to send me to wherever He wants me to go. I never knew how much this simple prayer would cost me today.

So God began to reveal and gave countless confirmations regarding this relief trip to Pakistan. God must have known that i would be terrified and needed loads of assurances in order to believe that He really has called.An open door came from Crisis Relief and i decided to go together with them knowing that God had called and i only need to obey and trust Him.

The opposition came when i shared this with my dad. He reprimanded me and yelled at me in the middle of the hawker centre after we had our dinner. He called me a trouble maker and that i had nothing better to do. He threatened to disown me if i don't cancel this trip immediately.I tried to explain my reason and heart for going to serve God and the victims but he was oblivious to anything that i was saying. He called my aunties and rallied my family against me to try to convince me against this idea. He even called my mum and shared how upset he was regarding my decision.

My heart grieved. Not because i was scared or intimidated by the 'persecutions' and objections but because my dad and family's heart are stubborn and hardened towards God.I am always a nobody in their eyes and good for nothing because i chose to journey a less travelled path by choosing to love and serve God. There are moments when i felt utterly alone on this journey of struggling with emotions of having my earthly parents and family to despise me and to reject me just because i don't earn as much as they do and would not obey them regarding my career and direction in life. As a older sister in the family, i had to bear all the burdens and loads of having to care and provide for my family in many different ways and blamed whenever my family's expectations are not met.

So i've been in Major stress mode over the past week and its showing through physical symptoms as well. Migraine for 4 days and diarrhea for 3 days is beginning to take its toil on me. Being spending more time alone with God just enjoying Him and dwelling in His presence. Its in such moments of silence and solitude that God's voice is greatly amplified.

In all my devotions and quiet times with God, its all about one central theme, that is to 'be transformed into the image of His son,Jesus Christ as i'm being refined through the fire'. Im grateful for the word of God that never fail to encourage and lift up my spirits knowing that God is fighting this battle for me and i can rest in Him.
I am not even sure if there is anyone out there who really understand what i'm going through but i take great comfort knowing that God knows and He is here. My prayer is that as i constantly fix my gaze on Jesus in adoration,and as a result surrendering my life as an outcome of that worship,that i may be conform to His image more and more each day.

To Live is Christ, to die is gain-Paul

2 Corinthians 4:16,17' therefore we do not lost heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away , yet inwardly we are renewed day by day. For our light and momentarily troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporarily but what is unseen is eternal.'

Some things just wrenches my heart so.

Hearing the passing away of my student's mum really broke my heart. I felt handicapped , not knowing how to minister but simply to grieve together with him in this season.
Hearing that my friend's cancer tests results are out and that the cells had spread and she will need to go through a few more operations to remove the cells and to repeat the whole cycle of pain and suffering once again.

Both faced struggles and sufferings in this season, yet they praise God all the same. They lived out james 1:2, they found joy and comfort that none can offer but God alone.

4 more weeks before i leave for pakistan for a relief trip and my heart's filled with mixed emotions. On one hand i'm really anticipating to see and learn the different lessons that God is going to teach me in this season but on the other hand i felt handicapped when come face to face with the sufferings that the people are going through. Plus the increased threat from the terrorists in the area and their commitment to bring down the christians did not help a bit.

But as i take time to remember the process and the journey that God brought me through to convict me to go on this trip , it helps me to anchor myself on His word despite all my mixed emotions and anxiety. I pray that God will help me overcome my fears and anxieties.

Psalm 55:22 " Cast your worries to the Lord and He will take care of you. HE will never let the good people down.' NCV

Not a season of my life that i anticipated . Been feeling heavy hearted for the past week and i found myself crippled with all my fears and anxieties.

Aunty josephine went home to be with the Lord last week, though i don't know her very well, i visited her once when she was in the hospital and remembered her lovely smile and tender heart towards God. Though she may not understand why she has to go through all the pain, she held fast to God and trust that He will see her through. When i went for the wake, it was a beautiful time of hearing how her life had touched many hearts and how we know that she is in a far better place. My heart ache and remembered that this life is fleeting and that i need to finish this race well. Aunty josephine life is a race well finished and her life had been a inspiration to me.

One of my dear friend was hospitalized and was diagnosed with skin cancer. She went through much pain after the surgery and my heart aches to hear how much she is suffering. But my heart warmed when i visited her and saw how she is trusting God to see her through and how God is bringing breakthroughs in her family in this season.

Grandaunt is awarded into hospital due to lung infection and another aunty is suspected to have pneumonia caused by her coughing.

I just went for a MRI scan today and suspected to have a slip disk after having 3 months of back pain. Physiotherapy tml morning and getting back my scan results. =/

In seasons like this, i will still choose to praise God and know where my help comes from. I know that even though i may not understand why and what God is doing in this season, i will choose to hold onto His character and His promises. I saw how in this season when i can minister more to my family and bridge God's love to them. God i know Your grace is more than enough for me..

Its a little bit funny how God works in unconventional ways indeed. Who would have known that He'll prepare and call me to go to pakistan for a relief trip at such a time like this?

Was just sitting down to be still and recounting the moments of how God prepared me and gave me so many assurances in the whole process of calling me there for a relief trip. I think God really knows that i am going to be scared and that i needed loads of affirmations from His word and from the people around me.

So despite my fears,am now waiting for Crisis Relief to get back to me regarding the time to go. Am praying alongside them as they pray and seek the Lord as to how best to help the needy at this point of time.

I really don't know how i can be used by God in any ways possible. I cant help medically,not am i strong physically to be able to move heavy and bulky things.I cant speak arabic, nor can i provide alot financially to help these poor people.

But one thing i know is that if God calls, i only have to trust and obey. This trip will change my life for sure.

Just finished reading David livingstone's biography and journey of hope by lurlene mcdaniel. I poured over the pages hungrily and finished journey of hope within 3 days. I would never have read this fast if its not for the content that talks so much about the missionary journeys in africa and the poverty and illnesses that salvage the land.
My heart aches and goes out to the condition of the country, feeling helpless and lost because i may be feeling the burden but am not able to do something tangible to help as of now. A renewed perspective and vision was birthed into my heart after reading this book,that is to learn to look at everything in light of God's overall sovereign plan.

My dreams are slowly becoming a reality.yays=) 2012! The biggest mountain now is to share this with my family.=/

Time flew by soo quickly everyday and i'm swarmed with many things until i'm often overwhelmed with anxiety and weariness.
Many happenings,many thoughts,many work to be done. I need to take some time off to sit still and let myself refocus and realign back to why am i doing what i'm doing. Busy-ness often rob me of the joy of spending unhurried time with God and to simply enjoy being in His presence.I'm so glad that i can get to do this on friday..to feel free to let myself engage with God with no agenda in mind=) yays!

'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'Phil 4

Months ahead looks exciting=)
1)With e-camp coming ahead in a months time, we are in need of intensive planning!
2)Edge games is going to happen in august! A great platform to rally everyone to engage with culture and to share the gospel=)
3)Vietnam with mentor group in Oct! Cant wait to get overseas with my fav people.=)
4)YAY=) Going for CSU in july 2011! It'll be my first time going to the united states for a conference!

thats all my exhausted brain can think of now=))

=/
chinny cried a few times today cus she was upset about many things.

God allowed her to catch up with a few friends and whilst talking to one of them after a church service today, she cant help but cried in front of him cus she wanted him to know that God misses him alot and yearns to have fellowship with him once again.She was saddened to see the kind of life that he was living and know that it was displeasing to God. She kept praying during the service that God will speak and indeed the sermon was so apt and spoke straight to her friend's heart. Oh wells,she felt silly for breaking down like that and hope that God will work in her friend's hardened heart and cause a transformation some day...

As always on a sunday, she went over for family gathering.She enjoyed her family dinner alot and during dessert, she overheard her aunties mocking and laughing at christians for being silly and 'brainwash' by churches to give their tithes to the church. She came home with a saddened heart not knowing how to connect her family to the wonderful message of knowing Christ and enjoying having a relationship with Him. She spent time to worship and pray and eventually broke down and ask God to be the one to work and cause breakthrough in her family because she felt so small and helpless when it comes to reaching out to so many of her family members.

she's still feeling a bit numb after crying so much today=/

God make a way when there seems to be no way.

Decided to post up some photos of my dad's 50th birthday celebration which left him with all smiles=)

My cousins and i did up a pretty board for my daddy! =)



we wrote some touching notes for him at the back..




See how happy my dad is! He said that this present is far better than any other gifts or food. yays=)



Alot of my friends always commented that i love to put my hand on my waist no matter im talking,cooking,laughing etc. Now you know why...... it runs in the family! HAHA.



Am glad that my dad love the simple celebration =)Nothing's sweeter than gathering together to appreciate and spend time together as a family. Im still praying,hoping for a breakthrough in my dear dad's heart that he will soften his heart once again open up his heart to God.